Google is soon to launch its new GMail service - an email service with 1Gb of space for your email. Sounds good. The idea that you never have to delete mail is declared on their BETA page. Hmm, they've obviously not seen my eircom inbox.
So, you can search your spam for hours - play with it. Hey, there's not enough on the internet to read, anyway. But seriously, I can see the light- serious emailers have a lot of mail. But then again, they usually have a website design with their own POP3 account, or atleast they should..
So, for the serious mailer, this has advantages. Oh, there's one more thing - the GMail servers are going to scan your outgoing messages and place ads from the Google Ads database on your email. Nice. Hey, that'll suit a lot of professional emailers. Injected spam, cool.
When I first heard of this, I thought 'what a great idea'. This had to be the marketing ploy of 2004. I wished I had thought of it myself. Then I thought a little longer and when I took into account the decline of Google's results over the last few months (years?), oomph! It hit me, a Googillian times over. This could be rather funny. And most definitely, not for the serious emailer.
In a half-hour of funny searches, let's have a look at our results in an attempt to mimic the anticipated GMail algorithms and see just why, we think Larry Page is making his biggest guffaw ever.
We pretended we were typing and email and included the following keywords to see what GMail might do, so if your email contains:
"Hey Mick, you know Frankfurt was awful - don't go there" - you might get 5 ads on Hotels and Accommodation in Frankfurt, heh.
"Dear John, I'd love to tell you about my new Massey Ferguson Dealership" - you might get an ad for a 'John Deere' Dealer. Not the best content for your prospective email. I know, John Deere isn't spelt that way - try it yourself.
"The doctor says that if I eat any more chocolate, I could die - you might get 5 ads about how delicious chocolate is. Hmm.
"The doctor says that if YOU eat any more chocolate, I could die - that's worse.
"The monks will erect a monument, celebrating their lifetime of poverty, chastity, etc.." - you might get an ad entitled 'Free Nude Guide', detailing sexy singles videos. Nice.
"I've had a Hard day, love at the conference." - you might get a 'College Girls Pass' advertisement, promoting xxx videos. Hmm, your fiance will really not get uptight at you being at that conference with all those women, eh?
"Yes, we'll host your website for 9.95 a month" - you might get an ad promising hosting for 5.95, right next to your text. Great for (losing) business.
Just to name a few. Yes, it was fun - but worry about the consequences. If you get GMail and you get hate-mail - you might want to ditch an email service with advertising included. Hey - why not ask Google to pay you?
dr34m3r
Article #001
20/04/2004